generalparenting

Several years ago my son made friends with a boy that lived in our apartments. One day my son asked me why he had a rather large scar across the top of his head and barely any hair. That was the first time my son ever learned about cancer and that it could strike anyone at any age. That was a scary thing for him to know for real that kids could die. Try to explain cancer and death to a 2nd grade child. It’s not easy to do. The child died about six months later with unrelated reasons. That struck my son even more deeply than the cancer.

How unfair it was for this child to beat cancer and then be taken away anyway. There was a huge memorial service for him where most of the school attended. The kids were all familiar with him having had many questions about him and why he looked the way he did. The school was very good about dealing with the cancer and explaining to the kids that he had been sick, but when it came to the death of different reasons the school, in my opinion, just didn’t do so well. They had an assembly and told all of the kids that he had passed away and had provided counselors for any of the kids that felt they wanted to talk but there was little talking about the accident.

I don’t know how if affected the other kids but I know all of this destroyed my son who was extremely close to this boy. He felt he couldn’t talk to the counselors because he didn’t understand it himself therefor felt he couldn’t explain it to them. He struggled with this for a very very long time and I still see long lasting effects as a result of this death. My son almost panics if he leaves the house even if only to take the garbage out and he doesn’t say I love you to everyone in the house. He is to this day, four years later, afraid something is going to happen to him and he didn’t get to express how much he loved the people in his life.

I know death is hard for everyone, especially kids, but when it is the death of another child it seems to have such long lasting effects and I’m not sure other than counseling how to help him move past it. He is in counseling and he still has many issues with loss that I don’t know if he will ever get past. All I can do is be here like I have for the last four years if he wants to talk or just needs to be heard.

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